The news of XS Malarkey's line up on Tuesday is deeply shocking. It would be tragic but not uninevitable if any of these young stars died pointlessly (they became stand-ups, they knew the risks, a comedian risks dying onstage like a gay risks dying of AIDS in a yard or disco dancing in the nude).
MICK FERRY, the headline act, may well be funny, but who knows whether his humour is just the rssult of a dark appetite, fractured by private vice. He may well be one of the best comedians to have sprung from the Manchester circuit in recent years, having notched up an appearance on Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow (a programme aired on the BBC, so no doubt the offspring of some disgusting tryst between a lefty, a Muslim and a bisexual). He's riding high at the moment, but surely it won't be long before his dark, showbiz lifestyle leaves him bleeding dead in an alleyway after smoking crack heroin and bingeing on poppers. Just like those other comedians Chris Farley, Kenny Everett and Dustin Gee. They were comedians, now they're dead. Following that logic, all comedians will die, and the specific cause will be the fact that they are comedians no matter what some so-called coroner might say (note that coroner rhymes with foreigner and shiver at the
implications).
The supporting act is a self confessed gay man (so is George Michael, and look, he did rude things in a loo and smokes the ganja-weed, so it's common sense to assume this man does too). His name is JONATHAN PAYLOR. His experience as a comic all over the UK should be ingored in favour of dwelling on his sexuality. He was forced to come out of the closet many years ago when he decided to of his own free will.
I'd urge you all to see these acts revel in their own depravity on Tuesday at XS Malarkey. I won't be there. I couldn't bear it if I had to write about something I'd actually experienced. It's much easier to make it up.
Jan Moir, The Daily Mail, 19th Oct 2010
P.S. Just because you tell lies and make half arsed and prejudicial statements about gays doesn't mean you're homophobic.
Entry to XS Malarkey costs £2 for members, £5 for non members and £7 if you sign up for life membership.
Written by Toby Hadoke. First published on the Manchester Comedy Forum
MICK FERRY, the headline act, may well be funny, but who knows whether his humour is just the rssult of a dark appetite, fractured by private vice. He may well be one of the best comedians to have sprung from the Manchester circuit in recent years, having notched up an appearance on Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow (a programme aired on the BBC, so no doubt the offspring of some disgusting tryst between a lefty, a Muslim and a bisexual). He's riding high at the moment, but surely it won't be long before his dark, showbiz lifestyle leaves him bleeding dead in an alleyway after smoking crack heroin and bingeing on poppers. Just like those other comedians Chris Farley, Kenny Everett and Dustin Gee. They were comedians, now they're dead. Following that logic, all comedians will die, and the specific cause will be the fact that they are comedians no matter what some so-called coroner might say (note that coroner rhymes with foreigner and shiver at the
implications).
The supporting act is a self confessed gay man (so is George Michael, and look, he did rude things in a loo and smokes the ganja-weed, so it's common sense to assume this man does too). His name is JONATHAN PAYLOR. His experience as a comic all over the UK should be ingored in favour of dwelling on his sexuality. He was forced to come out of the closet many years ago when he decided to of his own free will.
The other acts are PETER BIRCH and RED REDMOND. I don't know anything about Red, but his name is the same as that of the colour that represents the Labour Party, so he's probably a back street abortionist who wants to make your children wear burkhas. Peter Birch is very funny indeed, and recent eyewitnesses have attested to that fact. But who needs witnesses and evidence? Based on nothing, I'll assume that he's a sleazy malcontent who'd give herpes to the Queen given half a chance.
I'd urge you all to see these acts revel in their own depravity on Tuesday at XS Malarkey. I won't be there. I couldn't bear it if I had to write about something I'd actually experienced. It's much easier to make it up.
Jan Moir, The Daily Mail, 19th Oct 2010
P.S. Just because you tell lies and make half arsed and prejudicial statements about gays doesn't mean you're homophobic.
Entry to XS Malarkey costs £2 for members, £5 for non members and £7 if you sign up for life membership.
Written by Toby Hadoke. First published on the Manchester Comedy Forum
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